With Thanksgiving and Black Friday upon us once again, soccer clubs around the world have online stores packed full with a wide array of Christmas gift ideas.

Browsing the virtual shelves reveals a truly mind-boggling selection of branded merchandise on offer, from the legitimately useful right down to the bafflingly kitschy.

Here we’ve sifted through the officially licensed goodies available and handpicked a variety of items to assist you in the hunt for the perfect festive presents.

Jump to: Premier League | LaLiga | Bundesliga | Serie A | Ligue 1 | Primeira Liga | MLS | NWSL

(Prices converted to U.S. dollars and correct at time of publication)

Premier League

Arsenal: Official GPS tracker top, $370

r941325 2 1296x729 16 9

Good luck to anyone who actively wants to compare their Sunday league performance data with that of Emile Smith Rowe, Bukayo Saka and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang.

Chelsea: Miniature European Cup, $201

r941328 2 864x1296 2 3

What’s the point of your club winning the Champions League if you can’t celebrate the achievement with a scale replica of the European Cup. At just 6 inches tall, it’s a lot easier to triumphantly hold aloft than the original.

Liverpool: YNWA neon sign, $135

r941322 2 1200x675 16 9

It might not have the same historic and emotional resonance as the motto “You’ll Never Walk Alone” rendered in wrought iron across Anfield’s iconic Shankly Gates, but this abbreviated version does emit a pleasant red glow.

Manchester City: Rubik’s Cube, $18

r941320 1296x729 16 9

This taxing mental puzzle offers a glimpse into Pep Guardiola’s mindset as he devises one of his more challenging and complex game plans.

Manchester United: Maui Jim sunglasses, $533

r941321 900x506 16 9

Why shop around for for the best value when you can pay over the odds for a flashy equivalent with a big name that will do much the same job? It’s the Manchester United way, after all.

Tottenham Hotspur: White Hart Lane boxed gin, $105

r941326 4 1296x864 3 2

This official Spurs gin is distilled using a blend of purified grass plucked from the pitch of their famous old ground, White Hart Lane. Every little bit helps when they still have the construction of the new stadium to pay for.

West Ham United: Hammer, $33.50

r941329 2 1296x729 16 9

That’s right — West Ham, known as the Hammers, have their own hammers with “HAMMERS!” etched into the handle of the hammer.


Atletico Madrid: Electric toothbrush, $15

r941335 2 864x1296 2 3

Atletico Madrid. Toothbrush. Luis Suarez. You can write your own joke.

Barcelona: Lego Camp Nou, $370

r941332 1296x864 3 2

With Barca recently announcing plans to completely redevelop the Camp Nou stadium, what better way to immortalise the Catalans’ spiritual home than in plastic interlocking block form?

Real Madrid: Monopoly, $56

r941334 1296x864 3 2

How fitting that a club so fervently in favour of forming a European Super League should launch their very own version of Monopoly. Even the club’s own blurb for the game reads: “Be smart and stay alert because there’s only room for one at the very top, whilst bankruptcy awaits the rest.”


Bayern Munich: Fortune cookies, $4.44

r941336 2 1296x729 16 9

We can only assume that each and every cookie reads something along the lines of “Bayern will win the Bundesliga again next season”.

Borussia Dortmund: Air fryer, $78.49

r941337 2 1296x1296 1 1

Did you really think Erling Haaland stays in such great shape by deep-frying his potatoes?

RB Leipzig: Garden gnome, $33.59

r941339 983x983 1 1

You will struggle to find a more impactful garden ornament than this stunning effort that depicts the Leipzig club mascot, Bulli, about to stomp all over the Red Bull Arena.

Serie A

AC Milan: Couch cover, $26.90

r941344 1296x729 16 9

If you’re unable to make the pilgrimage to San Siro, you can now re-create the feeling of being in the iconic stadium without leaving your living room.

Inter Milan: Retractable lead, $22.30

r941343 2 1296x864 3 2

If your dog weighs under 11kg (as specified in the product description) and happens to be a huge Inter Milan fan, then surely a Nerazzurri leash is a necessity.

Juventus: Leather jacket, $285.85

r941342 3 1296x1296 1 1

If replica jerseys aren’t your thing, then how about a club-branded leather jacket complete with the Juventus crest on the chest? Pay a little extra and the club might even put your favourite player’s name and number on the back.

Napoli: Bikini, $8.35

r941345 2 773x1160 2 3

Perhaps not the most advisable attire for wearing on the terraces at the Stadio Diego Armando Maradona as we head toward the winter.

Ligue 1

Lyon: Wooden sledge, $44.85

r941366 2 1296x864 3 2

It doesn’t tend to snow a lot in Lyon, but when it does it’s important to keep those club colours on show for all to see.

Marseille: Petanque set, $36.90

r941363 1200x675 16 9

Imagine spending your whole afternoon playing an outdoor game that involves beating an opponent by successfully aiming little balls at a target? It’ll never catch on.

Paris Saint-Germain: PSG x Prince vinyl record, $15

r941361 864x1296 2 3

This vinyl single contains two Prince songs: the first a studio version of “Partyman” from his 1989 “Batman” soundtrack album and the second a live version of “Cool” recorded at a concert in Paris in 2014. The link to PSG is tenuous, to say the least, but at least the music is funky.

Primeira Liga

Benfica: Doll, $16.80

r941371 864x1296 2 3

The less said about Benfica’s strange and unsettling doll, named Lucia, the better.

FC Porto: Gold ring with diamonds, $7,792

r941367 1296x1296 1 1

Porto club members looking for that Black Friday trinket will no doubt be pleased to learn that they can get their hands on this classy bit of jewellery for the discounted price of just $7,000.

Sporting CP: Dog bow tie, $7.50

r941369 2 1296x1296 1 1

Knocking Inter’s pet accessory range clean out of the park, Sporting have produced a range of formal evening wear designed to fit your canine companion.


Inter Miami: Yard dice, $35.99

r941377 1296x1296 1 1

No prematch MLS tailgate party is complete without beer, BBQ and big wooden dice.

LAFC: Magnet battle game, $39.99

r941379 1296x864 3 2

Re-create all of your favourite Los Angeles “El Trafico” derby encounters with this exciting magnetised version of air hockey.

New York City FC: Victory 4 game set, $159.99

r941381 1296x1296 1 1

A “perfect excuse for gathering your friends together for an epic New York City FC party,” we are assured. Just sit back and watch the RSVPs flood in.


Angel City FC: Pet bandanna, $15

r941384 864x1296 2 3

Another club making moves in the pet accessory space, Angel City are keen that every dog in Los Angeles be dressed to the nines in time for their grand entry into the NWSL next year.

Portland Thorns: Wallets, $22

r941387 1296x864 3 2

The Thorns do a rather nifty line of upcycled wallets made from banners that used to be hung around their stadium.

Racing Louisville: Earrings, $13.95

r941388 1280x720 16 9

No outfit for a night out on the tiles in Kentucky would be complete without these little purple beauties.

Images courtesy of: arsenal.com, ChelseaMegastore.com, LiverpoolFC.com, ManCity.com, ManUtd.com, TottenhamHotspur.com, OfficialWestHamStore.com, AtleticoMadrid.com, FCBarcelona.com, RealMadrid.com, FCBayern.com, shop.bvb.de, RedBullShop.com, store.ACMilan.com, store.inter.it, store.juventus.com, store.SSCNapoli.it, boutique.ol.fr, boutique.om.fr, SLBenfica.pt, FCPorto.pt, LojaVerde.sporting.pt, MLSstore.com, AngelCity.com, PTFCAuthentics.com, shop.RacingLouFC.com

Source link