I Have My Limits: Bullets Over Las Vegas Boulevard

Image courtesy of the World Series of Poker (Travis Ball)

Some of the most well-known and respected poker pros in the game put the math in aftermath last week. Following the conclusion of the World Series of Poker, except for the Main Event Final Table, these stalwarts on the scene, along with a few warts on the scene, made public the number of bullets they fired in this summer’s WSOP. As in every arms race, defense spending is out of control.

Player of the Year in-waiting, Shaun Deeb, began this pissing contest appropriately enough on the chemical toilet formerly known as Twitter, where he bragged that he had made 122 buy-ins (aka bullets) for a total of six cashes.

Deeb, one of poker’s rounder rounders, added some self-deprecating humor by also including the number of chicken tenders he consumed: 62.

He never did disclose how many separate tournaments he entered, presumably because that figure would have exceeded the character limit on X. How fitting that a platform featuring limits of character is owned by Elon Musk.  

Anyways, as you probably are aware, Shaun Deeb is in pursuit of the POY title and is therefore the king of volume, no matter how loud Will Givens gets (more on him later).

Also not included in Deeb’s initial post was what detractors speculated would be another self-depreciating number, his total profit and loss. However, in a subsequent post, Deeb addressed his haters by revealing his totals: $948,586 in winnings, $866,800 in buy-ins; for a total profit of $89,286.

So much for poker being a game of incomplete information.

There was no money laundering going on here, but it definitely looks like that ledger page was folded up in Shaun’s jeans pocket and put through the wash. By the time he unfolded it and put it on X, many other players had chimed in with some of their summer stats.  Jeremy Ausmus kicked off the thread count with his numbers:

Soon, many others followed. Josh Arieh posted that he had fired 69 bullets in 42 events for 15 cashes.

Daniel Negreanu’s line was 79 bullets, 54 events, 15 cashes.

Dnegs had a great summer, winning his 8^th bracelet and turning a profit of over one million dollars.

Before it was through, Kenny Hallaert brought us and himself down to earth with these sobering stats: 65 bullets, 14 cashes, with 204k of buy-ins and 194K of cashes for a loss of 10K.

At least Kenny is not American, so he won’t have to pay taxes on the money he didn’t win.

Naoya Kihara had a truly great Series, and it is reflected in his line of 90 bullets fired for 18 cashes, including, of course, two bracelets.

David “ODB” Baker revealed that he fired 72 bullets for ten cashes, but only after poking fun at Shaun for going 6 for 122.  Thank you, ODB.

Not surprisingly, scribe Matt Salsberg told a good story with his line: 51 bullets fired, with 7 cashes, including a deep run in the Main Event that got him back to even, then eking out a $23,000 profit in the Closer. Being a screenwriter, Matt also provided a compelling visual metaphor for his summer:

Most interesting stat: Number of women adding their results to this thread: 1.

That would be this from katherinepoker:

She went two for two. Not six for 122. 2 for 2. That’s actually something to brag about.

I know, I know, Shaun Deeb is playing the long game. He’s playing every game.  But it would have been nice if he hadn’t complained about running deep in the Main because it prevented him from firing more bullets in other events.

Which reminds me, one of the many great things about the Main Event is there are no second bullets. It’s one of the few freeze-out tournaments left. So sorry, Shaun, if coming in 15^th out of 9,208 players for a tidy sum of $410,475 froze you out of max late-regging the $500 Summer Saver. That probably saved a few other players’ summers.

Cover?

Is what a poker player sheepishly asks when they have lost an all-in to a superior stack. I was all in to watch the Main Event and found myself asking Google, “Coverage?” As in, where can I find the coverage?

The answer was, “on the ESPN+ app,” but it would have been a lot easier if I just had ESP. With extrasensory perception, I could have found the app and signed up for it on Day 1A, instead of Day 6 when I was finally able to tune in thanks to a tutorial on YouTube. Let’s just say it was not intuitive to someone who is less than tech-savvy.

As announcers for the Main Event, Ali Nejad, Nick Schulman, Joe Stapleton, and Maria Ho set a high bar for making poker entertaining, and yet they were all eclipsed by the running commentary of 23^rd place finisher, Will Givens. He’s a showman. As he says, “I told you I was going to cook.” The only person I ever saw cook better was Walter White on Breaking Bad.

I have an idea for a staged event. A dramatically lit heads-up poker table with two seated figures yet to be revealed. A booming voice announces:

“Live from the PokerGoFuckYourself Studios, heads up for a million dollars and, of course, bragging rights, it’s The Battle of the Wills, Will Kassouf vs. Will Givens. Play-by-play coverage also provided by the Wills. Now, shuffle up and spiel!”

Have a great week.